Gideon by My Morning Jacket (MMJ) came into my hearosphere driving from New Smyrna Beach after watching an amazing sunrise on a Monday morning.
I was thinking a lot about church. Who is there? Who is not there? Why? Why not?
Early in the song, Gideon:
Religion, should appeal to the hearts of the young.
I agree with this. This is hard. This means for us who are old, giving up some things. In my world, it has meant giving up hymns, not altogether, but as I know them and and as my father knew them. Sometimes, this giving up feels too much to bear, almost a betrayal of those who came before me.
If I don't worship with Blessed Assurance out of the hymnal, am I turning my back on George Edward Linney, Jr. (my father) or Sarah Johnson Linney (my grandmother)?
I did give up these hymns in a faith community, the new music, the new creation, filled my soul in ways that no music had ever filled it.
Church, in my view, in the troubled world of the 21st century, has to compromise on personal preference. We need pragmatism. What will give young people a chance to try getting in the door to the local church? Do that.
I was reflecting on a client from 2021 – one of the greatest
years in mortgage lending history, but a very difficult year to win purchase
offers if participants stubbornly believed that they should be able to pay less
and purchase a home. Homes in 2021 weren't on sale as if it were a yard sale and you could get a deal because the seller was desperate. Sellers had the upper hand and if you wanted their home, you had to submit a competitive offer.
I worked all year with clients who were supported by a realtor that I adore.
I wrote 12 pre-approval letters and finally the realtor and I decided it was
time to move on. The clients simply would not take the realtors advice on what it would take to purchase a home.
The client said curtly as the relationship was dismantling, with a somewhat accusatory and entitled tone, George, I thought we could do this
indefinitely? (meaning keep making offers and have me keep producing pre-approval letters). In theory, that's true, we could keep going forever, but who was winning in the deal? The clients weren't getting a home because they would never offer at a competitive price. The professionals in the relationship were spending countless hours with no success. We sort of all fired each other. It hurt. The realtor and I still work together and commiserated on this one for many a phone call.
I felt part of the blame directed at me. George, I thought we could do this indefinitely. Most of those letters were prepared on weekends, time spent away from family. That's okay, but I wish the effort had been acknowledged. The realtor spent far more time than I did and had nothing to show for it.
But you know what? We all want work validated that will mostly go unnoticed. It's called work for a reason and it's toil and some of it does not bear fruit.
Keep rolling the ball forward.
While this was an opportunity missed, 2021 was the best working and earning year of my nearly 30 years of receiving a paycheck. All will be well.
Here are those pre-approval letters that never ended in a contract:
I still think often of my first two closings. I started a career in lending in March of 2018. I needed something riskier and that played more to my skill set. I needed something more entrepreneurial. I approached a friend that had a career in the business and I found a way into the industry. Most of 2018 was spent training and learning. I only closed two loans in 2018. One in Durham in October. One in Garner in November. The first has turned out to be a top referral partner (it was their personal residence). The second is highlighted in the photograph below.
There is no way to go back to the beginning. I was so proud of these first two deals. I was at both signings. This was pre-covid and you could sit alongside the borrowers and the realtor and the lawyers. I was ecstatic to collect my very first commission checks. So many people helped me make those first deals go through when I had no idea how to make the process go. Even now, so many people help from start to finish. I depend on a team, some of whom I never even meet.
Now, I am cynical and greedy and dissatisfied with a month with less than 10 closings. Gratitude and deep-breathing is a daily discipline.
You can't go home. You can't go back to the beginning. But you can remember.
The last two days in Durham, North Carolina have produced roughly a foot of snow. That is a lot in any NC winter storm. That's a whole lot in early December.
Today, the second day of flakes falling from the sky, had me pulling from the shelf Robert J. Wicks excellent book on Spiritual Landscape, Snow Falling on Snow.
I am struck by a section called Listening (page 41):
Wicks writes: "One of the reasons listening is a rare gift today is that so many of us (possibly because of our anxiety) strive too hard to do something useful or to be immediately helpful in some tangible way. The problem is that in the process of doing this we fail to really listen to a person's pain. In becoming stressed out ourselves over what we need to do to be "successful" with someone in need, we often fail to realize the pure value that is listening, in and of itself. Furthermore, when we're not observing the situation for what it really is, we not only miss a chance for understanding, but occasionally may even make the situation worse by acting too impulsively."
Today is a great day to listen to the sound of snow falling on snow. That's no easy work. There is really not much sound, but then there is. Other sounds become quite distinct if we will listen for a while longer.
Learn more about an October 2018 training program with three face to face hour long sessions in Durham, NC with a culminating 5k in Chapel Hill, NC on October 27, 2018.
No matter how hopeless you may feel, overcoming substance abuse is possible. One of the hardest steps is already over once you’ve recognized that you have a problem and expressed a desire to change. However, it can be daunting to think about getting through life without the aid of substances. Kicking addiction for good involves caring for your mind and body like you never have before. You'll need patience, support, and motivation to change. But eventually, you'll be able to feel in control of your life again.
Adopt Healthy Lifestyle Habits
How you treat your physical body plays a very important role in how you feel emotionally. If you’re prone to stress, anxiety, or depression, you may benefit from making some key lifestyle changes. Eating well and exercising regularly can helpbalance your moodand provide a motivating energy boost. For example, getting active results in a release of endorphins in your body, reducing your perceptions of pain in a similar way to opiates. This is why professionals often recommend that people in addiction recovery engage in regular physical activity. Getting enough sleep can also help settle problems with anxiety and promote healing in your brain. Try to stick to a regular sleep schedule and adopt goodsleep hygiene habits.
Seek Appropriate Treatment
Many people try one type of addiction treatment and give up when it doesn’t appear to be helping them. However, there are a huge variety of substance abuse treatments available. It's important that you find one that works for you, even if it means going through a couple ofdifferent treatmentsand facing disappointment.
For example, if you also suffer from mental health problems like anxiety and depression, you may benefit from treatments focused on mental therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) ordialectical behavior therapy(DBT) are effective in treating these mental disorders.
Other options for substance abuse treatment include group therapy sessions, holistic therapy, religious programs, gender-specific programs, and programs catered specifically to professionals and executives. These treatments can better meet the needs of individuals in different situations, such as professionals who need to remain discreet about their treatment. Similarly,holistic therapiesmay better suit people who value spirituality and whole-body healing. Inpatient rehabsare also valuable to people who need additional structure and support. This is a great way to completely remove yourself from temptation and triggering environments.
Stop Relying on Willpower Alone
Stopping addiction and changing bad habits is almost impossible with simple willpower. In fact, according toPsychology Today, addiction is caused by chemical changes in the brain, not simply a weakness of the mind. Although willpower can help you make the initial leap of discarding your abused substances and declaring your intentions to quit, it might not hold up well to withdrawal symptoms and cravings later on. A strong support network can help you when your own motivations fall short. Find friends, family, and peers who can be there to keep you on track throughout your treatment. On top of this, you'll need to make some lifestyle changes and develop new coping systems to avoid relapse.
Be Kind to Yourself
No matter what kind of difficult addiction recovery you’re facing, you can make it easier by being nicer to yourself.The Fixexplains how important it is that recovering addicts learn to love themselves so they can stop self-destructive behaviors. You must find ways to stop thinking hateful, abusive thoughts about yourself. Instead, try toacknowledge your emotionswithout judgment. When you have negative thoughts, call a friend or therapist and talk to them about it. This can help you stay positive and avoid reaching for substances to numb your feelings.
Importantly, patience is a key aspect of substance abuse recovery. Not only for the ex-addict but for their support network as well. Friends and families need to have patience and understand that sobriety can take a long time to achieve. In the end, full and long-term treatment will lead to the most successful recovery results.
This is the Tennessee River. Last night, we camped along the river left bank amidst our only tumult of rain. The previous five days were sunny and clear in the Tennessee River Valley floating just over 20 miles on the French Broad (FB) River toward Knoxville, passing the Holston River as it merged with the FB. From this photo the merger is just upstream, a ways around that corner and this piece of water becomes the Tennessee River after two rivers become one.
This morning we have just a mile or two to float and paddle to the takeout in downtown Knoxville and a Noon pickup, then back to 43 Hart Road and Eagle’s Nest Camp. Our home, our final destination in Pisgah Forest, North Carolina, must be 200 river miles upstream. It is very near the headwaters of the French Broad. I have paddled those headwaters many times. Near camp. Near Brevard. Even the North Fork of the FB after a hard rain, one mile of fast and furious creek boating. It’s a good circle, this river that runs through so much of our lives. And yes, that’s a metaphor. No, the river does not actually run in a circle. Though, this one does cut against the grain, running kinda North and kinda back West, because this river came before the mountains.
Eleven of us, eight about 12 yrs old and three about adult age floated, played, paddled, frolicked, cried a little, ate a lot, slept some, laughed often, saw the countryside, met her people, tanned.
Here is what camp has to say about this Added Adventure:
Have you ever dreamed of floating down a mighty river on a tiny self-built raft and experiencing Huck’s great adventure? Do you like telling tall tales and making mischief? On this adventure, campers venture into Mark Twain’s novel as Jim, the Duke, and Huck, floating down the French Broad River. Navigate by the river banks and stars as you make your way west. Participants prepare the rafts and learn from communities along the river!
Huck Finn is an add-on trip during Session II, and begins and ends at Eagle’s Nest. Description from website.
I have known about Huck Finn happenings for more than 30 years. Never partook until this July. About broke my 43 year old body, but I am makin’ it, maybe even stronger. Will tell you next week.
As for the others, best I can say they enjoyed it quite a bit. Many planning to springboard to Hante’s all over. Hante is an extended version of this type of trip and more intense with rocks to climb and faster rivers to navigate and longer paths to walk. But this was no easy trip, lest you be thinkin’ we had not a care in the world. Lots of gear on and off a heavy raft, day after day. Lots of exposure. Lots of downtime which is hard for young ones in 2018 in the age of constant blips and bleeps. But good for young ones in every year.
Learn more about life outside at enf.org | Eagle's Nest Foundation.
That old border of GA and SC that Ron Rash writes about—a
time when a little girl got drowned way on down
But not today
Happy endings and everyone safe, eddy hopping and ferrying,
some surfing in open boats and kayaks
Many rapids
Many flats
leaving us boaters with tired triceps and worn out abs and
sun-burnt forearms and scalded necks even on already weathered and chiseled
bodies.
We played in the surf.We joked with ‘twerry about it,” which thanks to Nathan I still share
with friends today like Angel and TT.If
ever some friends needed to ‘twerry about it’, but another story for another
day.
Dinner was a welcome treat of burritos and guac, sour cream
and salsa
Not enough food to suffice, but I don’t think there could
have been enough on counselor budgets, hungry stomachs,
And Roark guidance.He
taught me frugality—a lesson I rarely follow, but still good to know.
Long after dinner
We parted the old-like house
We headed down the stone steps, hundreds of them
Down, down, down
And there before us was our craft, a ski boat from the 70s
Wood paneled and mildewed
It was perfect.
We set out on the calm mountain lake in North Georgia
A setting so different from the jostling water of the
Chattooga where we had played in the afternoon.
Now it was nearing midnight and
Hilltops, mountaintops surrounded us in an amphitheater where
we were the stars and the moon up above lit up the lake bright
River and Anne, the latter later known as Enna Deer, broke
into a harmonized duet that would have made Bonnie and John proud.
There’s flies in the
kitchen
I can hear ‘em their
buzzin’
But I ain’t done
nothin’ since I woke up today
River, with her beautiful long hair and her New England hard
edges being softened by a summer in Appalachia.
She was soft in voice and demeanor like a down jacket
and as content to call North Georgia home as anyone who had
lived in the Clayton vicinity for a half century or more.
This paddler, ironically and beautifully, named after the
streams and tributaries and fjords where she took comfort and solace and made a
summer paycheck,
belted out the melody and Anne followed behind, the true
master picking up the slack and making the song really come to life.
I could see in the face of the professional that they were
not perfect, but she let it go.
It wasn’t a night for perfection.
It was a night for improvisation and relaxation.Friends of friends all becoming fast
compadres by the miraculous beauty of the surroundings and the trust that these
acquaintances were trusted by others near by.Those who found themselves in such a place on a June evening, they had
to be friends, long time friends, even if some of them met in the back of a
shuttle pick-up truck eight hours before.
A note lower than the melody, Enna Deer came in clear and
gritty
Make me an Angel
Flies from Montgomery
Make me a poster of an
old rodeo
Just give me one thing
That I can hold onto
To believe in this
livin’
Is just a hard way to
go
The two sounded like angels.I believed the song and that its' lyrical dreams, Make Me An Angel, were
coming true because the long blond curls of River and the sharp features of
Anne which I had for so long thought beautiful yet intimidating, they were
softening and I was seeing her in her element, making magic with her
voice.I barely knew River.Never saw her again.She was Nathan's college friend and I have
always loved her—inner beauty, outer beauty, whatever.What’s the difference?She was beautiful and I loved her.
I had never heard these words before
Like so much the Nest introduced me to
Classics that I thought came straight out of the Eagle’s Nest
This is a memory decades old, but was it yesterday?Could be.Thanks to John and Bonnie on the iPod I can get at all the vision and
the dreams, the images and the symbols.The song alone has many stories to tell.
Start the morning at Mad Hatter’s.
I look out on the morning and the morning looks back on me. Some say it’s cold, but it’s not, not really.
Today I look for change. In the flowers, in me, in others, in you, God.
If all are steady, and there is sameness, that is okay. The world needs steadiness, seeks it, is comforted by it. But change is what I am looking for. Silently.
Runners
They move by in awkward flurries
The trees are not gangly
The cars have a predictable smoothness
But rare is the runner who gives much thought to how they move across the ground. Most are awkward. But they are are out there and I am not.
Sometimes when a couple is working on a relationship together, an individual coaching session can help one or both individuals make progress. It takes more time, investment, and patience. It may be scary to work without the other, but it often produces clarifying results.
I remember one relationship I heard about many years ago. It was not a marriage per se, but it was a very important and loving relationship between two people. They were both committed to making it work. They sometimes yelled. Sometimes even hit. They really felt strongly about the other person in the relationship and most of the strong feelings were love.
One participant kept talking to the counselor about the problems of the other person. How much he wished the other person would change his behavior. The client in the session said, "Should we go ahead and get him in here? How do we change his behavior?"
The counselor said, "I just want to talk to you for a while. I think everything we need to make things a little better starts with a change in you."
This was difficult and unexpected news for the client, but he really wanted the relationship to improve, and it did. Some of what worked were practicing meditation, getting alone during times of stress, and very clear and calm statements of expectation for the other person in the relationship.
While this example of coaching did not begin with the couple in a session together, it was about the couple, and as it turns out, the couple never saw the coach together. Sometimes the best person to change is yourself.
Work that starts with me will fix a lot of life's so called problems.
Over the loudspeaker at the airport you might hear, Your attention please, Flight 312 arriving from Amsterdam will no longer be arriving at Gate 30, but will now be arriving at Gate 33. I repeat, Flight 312 from Amsterdam will now be arriving at Gate 33.
This type of announcement is expected, common, borderline mundane if you are familiar with airline travel. For a vast number of reasons, gates get changed, we are not typically told why on the ground, but we are basically told, Move! You are in the wrong spot. Your expected guest is arriving somewhere different than where you thought. This sort of announcement at the airport is strictly informational and not meant to startle or surprise or incite a riot or change the world. It simply tells family and friends that there expected travelers will be showing up at a particular time and particular location and it has changed. Go over there and they will meet you at the end of the hallway. Stay here and you are going to miss them.
Sort of like Jesus? You know the whole world was waiting for Jesus. At least the whole world that we study in Scripture. That whole world in scripture is Isreal and they were waiting for the Messiah. Waiting for a gate change. I imagine they were waiting for someone like David, or someone from a past war. Maybe a prophet like Elijah or Elisha. Maybe they were waiting for Moses.
A baby? Not a baby. In Bethlehem? Not in Bethlehem. In a Virgin's Womb? Beyond imaginable. Way beyond a simple gate change.
As the Tobacco Trail Church prepares to celebrate Christmas, we might start with this announcement over the loudspeaker at the airport:
The angel Gabriel has the mic, and says to Mary (I guess she represents the friends and family who wait at the wrong gate), Do not fear, Mary, you shall conceive and bear a son and give him the name Jesus. Great will be his dignity and he will be called Son of the Most High... Lk. 1
There were others at Gate 30, moving toward Gate 33. You and I, we are like shepherds, bumbling down a path, traveling from Gate 30 to Gate 33 in hopes that we will see him.
I'm not so sure the world sees Jesus very clearly these days. What he came for. How he came to declare peace among the nations. How he came to disarm rather than to mobilize. He did come to inspire our work and our rest and our families and our calls. He did come so that we might praise him and his father through his spirit. And when I say the world doesn't see him very clearly, that's not some other guy or gal I'm referring to, that's me, a Shepherd in this story. That's you, one of the Maji. That's your cousin, who plays Joseph in the play. That's some person from high school who wronged you, you think she is your enemy, but she's really just one of the angels making a difficult announcement. Telling the world something difficult to chew on. It will be a baby. It will show up in a nowhere nothing place like Bethlehem. The baby grew in Mary's womb. Who's Mary? We say. Right, nobody you've ever heard of.
We think we've figured out who everybody is in any story, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Let's be honest, I or you are the good guy. The other guy is Herod. No the other guy is just the innkeeper, trying to take care of his family. He didn't know he was denying the savior of the world a warm bed.
I want to see Jesus more clearly. I want to be more generous with my neighbors. I want to do these things this December thanks to this particular announcement, that He's coming and will be called Son of the Most High. I want to find him along a long and winding road to Bethlehem and at the end of it. I want to see him in a manger along with others stars in the creation drama, the creation musical. Those stars, seen by you and me, the intruding paparazzi, trying to catch a glimpse and a fame-filled photo that we can hold onto and share with others, those stars will be lowing cattle, and sheep, always sheep, maybe a donkey, three camels with kings who come to lie down, bow down, before the King.
I want to start with a walk today and begin to imagine seeing all these things. Accepting the announcement, waiting for the traveler, and then living with the truth. Let's take a walk. *reflection before an Advent Walk on the American Tobacco Trail, December 3, 2017, the first Sunday in Advent.
My father has been saying this for as long as I can remember. Yesterday I was flooded with reminders of how important these words are for living a full life. I went for a run and then headed to the Open Eye for a cup'a'joe. Walking in with me was Zu on a conference call, but still chatting with me and Goofus. Goofus, the good doctor of Carrboro, was sharing the paper with me and we waxed on as we often do about how to live life to its fullest. Goofus is a seeker like me, always learning from others' prayer practices and their music and how they are able to achieve a sense of being in such a cluttered and busy world. Goofus asked for a quote for the day on the way out and I hunted through an important book for a quote just for him by Agnes de Mille said/wrote: To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful. This is power, it is glory on earth and it is yours for the taking.
Then, there was Tom, waiting for our friend, Kerndog, so they could bounce around some ideas about publishing and public relations. I married Tom and his wife in May thanks to a referral from another friend, Gumbi. Then, in walks Squonk with my new Sport Slippers--a Squonk patent. These are retired shoes that have now been turned into casual slippers by cutting out the back heel. They are the perfect fit and we are now in negotiations with China and many running shoe companies in terms of marketing options for this cool new product.
Friends are so important. They are taking care of you and hopefully they let you take care of them. There is no right way to be friends. We all have different gifts to give and we all need to receive various gifts over the course of our lives. I believe that God surrounds us with just the right sort of people to nurture us into who we are meant to be. That even includes folks we would not consider our friends, but that is another story for another day.
For today, look around, who do you count among your friends? This may tell more about you than your resume or your own account of who you are and what you are about. It's not about the number of friends. This is not about acquaintances and it is not about popularity. You may have lots of close friends and that's great. You are probably an extrovert and can manage all those folk, but whether it is two or 200, your friends tell the story of your life. My mother never needs more than a couple of really close friends, same goes for my wife, but their friends speak of them as if life does not work so well without them.
If we were to look around at the most unhappy folks in the world they feel as if they have no one. No one to look out for them and care for them. If they died, no one would notice for a long time if ever. If you feel this way--do something about it today. Join a small group at church. Attend an AA meeting even if you are not an alcoholic. Find a group run and go every week. Sign up for a book club. Loneliness is a real emotion, but the human heart cannot sustain it for too long. We need other people and guess what...other people need you.
I never really knew any one like I once knew a canine
I anticipated her needs
She needed
food
pets
rest
love
encouragement
praise
correction
more pets
She needed
in such a full and unabashed way all the things
that every human being needs
When it was her time to die
she walked, better, stumbled in her geriatric and tumor-laden condition,
straight
toward it with no fear
She embodied what we hope for humans
a great life
an even better death
They are not so different
One does not even really exist
to let go for this flow
allowing tasks, decisions
to pass
without you at the center of the solution
identified by your ability to fix and be healer of all
this letting go is to embody a restful posture in an un-rested world
this is a great discipline
safe security is found in the supposed pleasing of others where you
have become all toil, anxiety, and resentment
checking items off on a list that goes on without end
and brings no solace to you or others in your midst
chasing after the doing in such a way
that the other soul could more clearly lay poultice to their own wounded heart
but it doesn't
your scurrying does not actually please them despite their demand for it
the supervisor who acknowledges first your self-care is rare indeed
considered soft and vulnerable
but you cannot be determined by the other
that is but a mere deflection of your own difficult yet necessary choosing
a finding fault with that which you cannot control or the other who you spend time blaming
you must keep your work until the current is strong enough to float you out
do not sabotage it
but do not be a slave to your work or those who ask you to do it a particular way
you must make each decision in a manner that emboldens your work or else it is no work at all
schedule the rest and discipline it by your own need and then work will thrive
more so than if you had never paused to inhale deeply and partake of oxygen rich air
constant exhalation is just barely alive
you must rest and then resume
it does not come in a whole day set apart
sometimes it is simply a breath, a pause, a passing by to let someone else determine this outcome
When he took to the hill
he carried the memory and anticipation of a high up and lonely homily
he was prepared to speak and listen only to the birds if they alone constituted his company
it was almost time when he sat in a teaching posture
The followers sweated in their own ascension
did they chose
or were they chosen
whatever
they were here now
atop the mountain with him seated and lest we forget the birds
the others stayed below
resting out of exhaustion or fear of what lay high up in the clouds
too much to see and hear
voices they were not ready to bear
would they ever be ready?
Long before, only one ascended, well, one and a helper went to the mountaintop
but now all were welcome
and few accompanied in a slow trickle behind
Once he sat, they knew to climb
then he uttered and pedagogy poured forth
flowed like a river
They couldn't catch up to the all of it
But they saw the movement, that's what mattered
Not taking it all in, but seeing this dynamic
the motion
They tasted a spoonful
the full flow would have drowned them
consumed them
actually destroyed them
He called them seasoning and flavor
He called them illumination
And light must be seen, not snuffed out.
Taught and heard on more than a score
of course they did not take it all in
but only saw the word move by and then hoped they would catch up to even one talking point
somewhere around the bend
would the river loop back on them
How would they be seen bright and flavored?
So many ways
