Saturday, March 24, 2018

Coaching Together...Coaching Individually

Sometimes when a couple is working on a relationship together, an individual coaching session can help one or both individuals make progress. It takes more time, investment, and patience. It may be scary to work without the other, but it often produces clarifying results.

I remember one relationship I heard about many years ago. It was not a marriage per se, but it was a very important and loving relationship between two people. They were both committed to making it work. They sometimes yelled. Sometimes even hit. They really felt strongly about the other person in the relationship and most of the strong feelings were love.

One participant kept talking to the counselor about the problems of the other person. How much he wished the other person would change his behavior. The client in the session said, "Should we go ahead and get him in here? How do we change his behavior?"

The counselor said, "I just want to talk to you for a while. I think everything we need to make things a little better starts with a change in you."

This was difficult and unexpected news for the client, but he really wanted the relationship to improve, and it did. Some of what worked were practicing meditation, getting alone during times of stress, and very clear and calm statements of expectation for the other person in the relationship.

While this example of coaching did not begin with the couple in a session together, it was about the couple, and as it turns out, the couple never saw the coach together. Sometimes the best person to change is yourself.

Work that starts with me will fix a lot of life's so called problems.

More coaching advice on Facebook from Be Married and at georgelinney.com.